We’ve all experienced it.
You meet someone for the first time and, within minutes, they seem remarkably likeable, trustworthy or memorable. Months later, you may struggle to remember exactly what they said, yet the positive impression remains.
Psychologists have long tried to understand why certain interactions stay with us while others quickly fade. New research suggests the answer has less to do with charisma or confidence than with a person’s ability to make others feel genuinely understood.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology examined how different communication behaviours influence first impressions and relationship formation. Across multiple experiments involving hundreds of participants, researchers observed conversations between strangers before asking both parties to evaluate the interaction, measuring perceived warmth, competence, trustworthiness and the likelihood of wanting to interact again.
One behaviour consistently stood above the rest.
People who demonstrated responsive listening—showing genuine curiosity, asking thoughtful follow-up questions and building naturally on what the other person shared—were viewed significantly more positively than those who focused on presenting themselves.
Interestingly, this wasn’t about saying more.
Participants who dominated conversations or tried to appear especially knowledgeable were often remembered as less approachable than those who allowed conversations to develop organically.
The researchers explain that responsive listening creates a sense of psychological validation. When people feel heard, they are more likely to perceive the other person as intelligent, empathetic and trustworthy—even if relatively little personal information was exchanged.
The findings challenge a common misconception.
Many people believe making a strong first impression requires having interesting stories, impressive achievements or exceptional confidence. Instead, the study suggests that making someone else feel comfortable and understood may have a greater influence on how we are remembered.
For workplaces, the implications are considerable.
Whether during job interviews, client meetings or leadership discussions, communication is often evaluated in terms of persuasion and presentation skills. Yet organisations increasingly recognise that collaboration depends just as much on listening as it does on speaking.
Managers who actively listen often build stronger teams because employees feel their ideas are valued. Similarly, professionals who demonstrate curiosity rather than certainty may establish trust more quickly with clients and colleagues.
The same principle extends beyond the workplace.
Friendships, romantic relationships and even casual social encounters frequently begin with small conversations. Those early interactions shape expectations about future relationships, making the quality of listening an important social skill rather than simply good etiquette.
For South Africans, where workplaces and communities often bring together people from diverse backgrounds and experiences, effective listening may play an especially important role in building understanding across different perspectives.
The researchers caution that personality, cultural norms and communication styles still influence social interactions. There is no single formula for making a positive first impression, and authenticity remains essential.
Nevertheless, the results consistently pointed in the same direction.
People remember how conversations made them feel more than how impressive the other person appeared.
In an era increasingly dominated by digital communication, notifications and constant distractions, giving someone your full attention has become surprisingly uncommon.
That may also be what makes it so memorable.
Source Information
Study Title: Responsive listening and first impressions: How conversational behaviour shapes interpersonal evaluations
Journal: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
Year: 2026
